Freddy vs School

  Contents

  TITLE PAGE

  DEDICATION

  CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  CHAPTER 3

  CHAPTER 4

  CHAPTER 5

  CHAPTER 6

  CHAPTER 7

  CHAPTER 8

  CHAPTER 9

  CHAPTER 10

  CHAPTER 11

  CHAPTER 12

  CHAPTER 13

  CHAPTER 14

  CHAPTER 15

  CHAPTER 16

  CHAPTER 17

  CHAPTER 18

  CHAPTER 19

  CHAPTER 20

  CHAPTER 21

  CHAPTER 22

  CHAPTER 23

  CHAPTER 24

  CHAPTER 25

  CHAPTER 26

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  COPYRIGHT

  Okay humans, listen up! Here are the …

  1 My name is FREDDY.

  2 I live in London with my mum and dad.

  3 I go to school.

  4 I have a big brother called Alex.

  5 Oh yeah, the MAIN thing: I am an

  … I should maybe have started with that?

  I have many AMAZING ROBOTIC ABILITIES.

  I can …

  And also I am SUPER STRONG and I can LIFT REALLY HEAVY STUFF and also PUNCH BUILDINGS SO HARD THEY FALL OVER, and stuff like that.

  The only thing that sucks though, is that I am hardly ever allowed to actually DO any of this stuff.

  I am only supposed to FLY or use my LASERS and stuff “under strictly supervised conditions” at my mum’s work. Not at home, not in the street. And definitely not at school.

  Which is why everyone got so annoyed just because I flew through the staff-room window ONE TIME.

  Anyway, that …

  … that was how everything started.

  My mum has had to come into school to have Meetings about me lots of times. Like, LOTS of times. And the thing that annoys me is, not ONCE has it been about anything good. It’s never “Oh hey, we just wanted to tell you that Freddy is really awesome and is doing great in school”, oh no. It’s always “We regret to inform you that Freddy has accidentally destroyed THIS or set FIRE to THAT or exploded SOMETHING ELSE with LASERS”.

  THIS time, Mr Javid – he’s the deputy head – was all:

  And he didn’t like that, either.

  So he was all: “Doctor Sharma, I’m sure you appreciate … incidents like this put the school in a very difficult position … We have tried to be sensitive to your children’s, ah … particular needs … But we have to think of the other pupils …”

  And just kind of …

  … generally.

  I did try to EXPLAIN what had happened …

  We had been playing catch, and I was just trying to catch a ball Fernando threw …

  And OKAY so maybe I used my ROCKET BOOSTERS a tiny bit … and maybe I lost control a tiny bit … but anyway, who puts a window so near to where people are playing CATCH?

  Anyway, of COURSE it turned out that the window I accidentally flew through was the one in the staff room. The teachers were all sitting around in there drinking coffee and, I dunno, doing whatever teachers do in there. They are all quite old, so … talking about BUYING HOUSES and how much their BACKS HURT, probably?

  Then I came CRASHING through the glass, and our class teacher Miss Obasi jumped like three feet in the air and spilled her coffee all over the carpet and had to be taken off for a Nice Quiet Lie Down.

  “Freddy,” said Mum, “you know you’re not supposed to use your ROCKET BOOSTERS at school.”

  “I know,” I said. “But we were playing, and I forgot. I was just–”

  “Showing off?” she asked.

  “I wasn’t showing off!” I protested. Although YES, okay, I totally had been showing off.

  “The point,” said Mr Javid, “is that we cannot afford to have any more incidents like this. And therefore, starting this term we will be requiring Freddy to sign up to a new CODE OF CONDUCT …”

  Then he pulled out this piece of paper that he clearly had all ready to go, with printed on it in BIG BOLD LETTERS …

  As I am the only one in our year who even HAS SUPER-STRENGTH or LASERS or ROCKET BOOSTERS, this seemed SUPER UNFAIR and also possibly discrimination? But Mum just sighed, and said she wished she’d never told me about discrimination, and promised Mr Javid there wouldn’t be any more incidents.

  “… will there, Freddy?” she said.

  “No! I can be good!” I said. And then, because I felt like I should be honest here, I added, “I mean, I’ll try.”

  But Mr Javid wasn’t having it. He was all: “I’m afraid try isn’t going to be enough. We are implementing a strict three strikes policy with regard to the CODE OF CONDUCT.”

  “Three strikes!” Which actually sounded kind of cool, like having lives in a video game or something.

  So THEN I started daydreaming about there being an awesome video game about ME and my adventures …

  “Freddy!” my mum said, sounding cross. “Are you even listening?”

  “Yes!” I said. Although FINE, okay, I totally hadn’t been listening. “So, wait, what happens if I use up my three lives? Do I, like, start again, or …?”

  “As I just explained,” said Mr Javid, looking PARTICULARLY annoyed, “if you break the rules three times, you will be …

  On Monday, at break, me and Fernando were stood outside the school hall. Mr Javid had put the ROBOTIC CODE OF CONDUCT up on the wall in massive letters for everyone to see, and people kept walking past and giggling and pointing and it was TOTALLY CLEAR they were all talking about me.

  Normally I LIKE people talking about me. Because I am an AWESOME ROBOT and everyone else at my school is NOT, people are always very interested to see me do cool tricks with my LASERS and ROCKET BOOSTERS and stuff. It is fun, it is like being a …

  But if I haven’t done anything like that, and everyone is talking about me anyway … then I don’t know what they’re saying.

  And that doesn’t feel so fun.

  “Sucks about that sign,” said Fernando.

  “It DOES suck about that sign,” I agreed. “It’s like they made up special rules just to stop me being able to do anything FUN.”

  “Hey,” said Fernando, “at least we’ve still got THIS.” And he rolled up his sleeve and pointed to the Secret Robo-Communicator Watch.

  This is an Awesome and Highly Technological Device that my mum made and which I gave to Fernando. The way it works is, he can call me on it and I will see him on like a screen in my head. And it works wherever we both are!

  “Come on,” said Fernando. “We can do Security Officers, it’ll be fun! What else are you going to do, stand there sulking all day?”

  So I agreed, and Fernando ran off across the playground. Security Officers is a thing we do where we split up and sneak around the school looking for TROUBLE, and then call each other on the watch to report whatever we find.

  Okay, BASICALLY it is spying on people. It is pretty fun! Fernando is very good at coming up with games, it is literally like the one fun thing about school.

  I asked my mum once why we even have to GO to school. Most ROBOTS don’t have to go to school. They get to do awesome stuff like BUILD CARS or PUT OUT FIRES or OPERATE IN DANGEROUS OVERSEAS WAR ZONES.

  I could do any of those things! I would be AMAZING at operating in DANGEROUS OVERSEAS WAR ZONES.

  But nooooo, I have to go to school, just because I am sentient. In fact, me and my big brother Alex are the ONLY sentient robots in the WHOLE WORLD.

  This is, for some reason, a super big deal, even though I am not exactly sure what it actually means. I asked my mum, and she said: “It means … you have a mind. You’re self-aware. You’
re a person.”

  Anyway, apparently being sentient means you have to go to school so, frankly, you can keep it.

  Here are my …

  1 You have to go there every day. EVERY DAY!

  2 You have to wear boring clothes that look the same as everyone else’s.

  3 You have to spend all day doing Maths.

  4 MATHS.

  5 MATHS.

  I swear, it is basically MATHS JAIL. I have no idea how any of this is even legal.

  It is particularly frustrating because, as I have mentioned, I am an AWESOME ROBOT! Like, my brain is literally a computer. I could just use the calculator app in my head and get everything right all the time, but nooooo. My mum says it’s really important for me to learn everything “the human way”. Which seems POINTLESS, but “those are the rules,” apparently, and “no amount of threatening to BLOW everything up with LASERS is going to change them”.

  Suddenly my antennae started pinging. It was the Secret Robo-Communicator Watch!

  I answered the signal, and Fernando popped up on my screen, shouting: “Freddy! I found some trouble going on! BAD Trouble! We’re round by the bins – get over here!”

  I was just getting ready to MEGA ROBO POWER UP and fire up my ROCKET BOOSTERS to fly over there …

  … when I looked up and saw …

  The sign. The CODE OF CONDUCT, right there on the wall. Saying that ROCKET BOOSTERS were STRICTLY PROHIBITED. Which meant … NO FLYING allowed.

  Which meant … I had to walk over there.

  I hate walking, it is SO BORING, I don’t know how humans manage it.

  As I walked across the playground I realised that this was what it was going to be like now, not being allowed to use my ROCKET BOOSTERS or LASERS or anything. Being an AWESOME ROBOT celebrity was like the one thing that made school fun, and I wouldn’t be one any more. I would just be a … regular person.

  Except not a regular person. I’d still be a robot. So I’d get all of the pointing and whispering, but none of the fun stuff.

  Basically I did not like the thought of this at all.

  “What took you so long?” asked Fernando, when I finally arrived. “Didn’t you hear me say there was BAD TROUBLE?”

  “Don’t blame me!” I said, “Blame the stupid CODE OF CONDUCT!”

  “Look!” said Fernando. A bunch of kids were standing around the bike sheds, and it looked like they were centred around …

  Uh oh … Henrik.

  Fernando told me how back in like Year 1 and 2, before I started at school, he would always do things like just FLIP OUT or THROW CHAIRS AROUND or BEAT PEOPLE UP FOR NO REASON. He was always having to go and have Meetings with Mr Javid – even more than ME.

  Fernando said he heard one of the teachers say that if Henrik beat up one more person he might get EXPELLED, or even “Taken Out Of Mainstream Education” altogether, whatever THAT means.

  So of, course, everyone was basically terrified of Henrik because of his MASSIVENESS, and also all the chair-throwing and stuff.

  Anyway, then I came along and, as I possibly mentioned, I am an AWESOME ROBOT and I have LASERS and am BASICALLY INDESTRUCTIBLE and stuff. So I wasn’t scared of Henrik, and then Fernando decided he wasn’t scared of Henrik either, and me and Fernando formed like an ANTI-HENRIK LEAGUE together. And Henrik didn’t like that AT ALL, so basically ever since I started school he has totally had it in for me.

  He is always making rude comments at me, and calling me “ROBOT” instead of my name, and tripping me over in P.E. and stuff. Frankly I think I have been very good about it because I have not shot him with lasers, not even ONCE. But does anyone say “Well done, Freddy” because of this? THEY DO NOT.

  “Check it out,” said Fernando. “Henrik’s gone FULL HENRIK on the new kid.”

  Anyway, today it looked like Henrik had nicked this Riyad kid’s lunchbox.

  Even though we are all in the same year, Riyad is literally like half Henrik’s size, so Henrik was holding the lunchbox up over him so he couldn’t reach it. And as for the lunchbox … Oh man.

  It was bright pink and had unicorns on it, from this show MAGIC UNICORN SQUAD, which is for little kids. So Riyad really wasn’t helping himself there, because everyone knows that liking stuff that is for little kids is one of the Things You Just Don’t Do.

  It looked like Riyad was starting to get upset. Which is another Thing You Just Don’t Do.

  Riyad said, “Please, I need it, put it down.”

  “I’m just having a look,” said Henrik. “Why’s it got all unicorns on? Are you a baby?”

  And some other kids laughed. And Riyad looked super embarrassed, and just said, really quiet, “My mum bought it.”

  Which was maybe the wrong thing to say to Henrik, because apparently he found that hilarious.

  “Awww,” he said, doing like a stupid baby voice. “Mummy bought it. Is oo mummy’s wittle baby?”

  And he gave Riyad a big shove so he fell down on the tarmac. And now Riyad looked like he was going to start crying. Which is like the all-time Number 1 Thing You Just Don’t Do. And that just got Henrik going even more.

  “Awwww,” said Henrik, still doing the baby voice. “Is mummy’s wittle baby going to cwy?”

  Riyad just sat there, staring at the ground, and said, really quiet, “It’s new. Please.”

  Henrik did this big sneery grin and said “Baby wants it back? Baby go get it.”

  And he THREW Riyad’s unicorn lunchbox, right up onto the roof of the bike sheds!

  Henrik was laughing, and some other kids were laughing, and Riyad was just sat there on the ground looking really upset and, basically, I had had about enough of this. If there is one thing I do not like … it is INJUSTICE.

  I wanted to help the new kid. And with my ROCKET BOOSTERS, it would be so EASY to help. But it said right there in the CODE OF CONDUCT: NO ROCKET BOOSTERS.

  But then I thought, the whole reason they had the stupid CODE OF CONDUCT was to stop me “showing off”. But this wouldn’t BE for showing off. This would be for FIGHTING INJUSTICE. Which was like a whole different thing?

  And I suddenly thought, maybe this was like a loophole. Like, if I could just use my powers in SECRET, and only to FIGHT INJUSTICE, then maybe that would be okay? It would be like I was an awesome …

  which is maybe even better than being a Celebrity. But, also, it is a SECRET.

  And anyway, EVEN IF I did get caught, I’d still have two strikes left, and that’s LOADS.

  I quickly looked round to check there weren’t any teachers around, so that my SUPERHERO SECRET Identity would be safe. And there weren’t, so it was.

  And so I …

  MEGA ROBO POWERED UP!

  It was, basically, TOTALLY AMAZING. It was honestly like something out of a movie. I FIRED UP my ROCKET BOOSTERS, and I FLEW right up over the bikesheds, and I GRABBED Riyad’s lunchbox, and I CAME RIGHT BACK DOWN before any of the teachers saw.

  Basically, my first Secret Superhero Mission was a …

  “That was awesome,” said Fernando. I AGREED.

  “What’s all this?” asked my other friend Anisha, who had just wandered over to see what was going on.

  “Freddy,” said Anisha, “I thought you weren’t supposed to use your powers at school?”

  “It’s fine!” I said.

  “Like, I could have sworn they literally just put up a big sign about this,” continued Anisha.

  “It’s FINE!” I repeated.

  “I am FIGHTING INJUSTICE!”

  And then I double-checked that no teachers were around to see what I’d done, but they weren’t, it was FINE.

  I walked over to Riyad and handed him his lunchbox, and there was actual clapping and cheering from all the kids stood around watching. Riyad literally hugged his lunchbox, he was so happy to have it back.

  Henrik …

  … was less happy.

  “Think you’re so smart don’t you, Robot?” he said, giving me a shove. “How about I go tell on y
ou to Javid for flying, huh? Reckon you might get in a bit of trouble for that.”

  “Do it,” I said. “But then maybe I’d tell on YOU for how you were picking on the new kid? I reckon you might get in trouble for THAT.”

  It was like a tense exciting …

  Except that everybody knew that no one was really going to tell on anyone to the teachers, because that is another Thing You Just Don’t Do. I mean, not as bad as liking stuff that is for little kids or crying. But still, pretty bad.

  “Hit him!” someone yelled to Henrik, unhelpfully.

  “If you hit him, I’ll hit YOU,” said Fernando.

  “Nobody needs to hit anybody,” said Anisha, and then muttered something in Punjabi, which thanks to my onboard translation software turns out meant a very rude word, and then “… boys”.

  “Fine,” said Henrik. “No hitting. I’ve got a better idea.”